may be closer than ever

this cant go on much longer.  

No one

No one can relate to this depression and it's longevity.  I think most people punch their own card before getting as bad as this.  No one gets it.  I wish someone would tell me they get it.  But I can't even talk to anyone about it anymore.  Everyone has grown tired of my "drama."  If someone in your family was dying from cancer or diabetes, would you get tired of them?  Would you say "they are so needy and faking it, and just want attention" ????  Right.  No one would. But that's why peope who suffer from this kind of depression just self medicate or end it all. Because no one takes it seriously.  Thanks everyone.  Hope this makes sense to you now.  

Am I the last empathetic person on earth?

Seriously.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person around anymore that cares whether or not they hurt someone's feelings, even if I don't know them.  It's called empathy, and as far as I can tell, not one motherfucker on this planet has it anymore.  Ironically, everyone seems to to possess a general APATHY towards others.

I try to do nice things for people.  When someone asks for my help I will come through if possible.  I help others.  Now I must implore: who the fuck has helped me?  My bro cut my rose bush down for me.  Thanks bro.  But you know what?  Fuck everyone else.  And I really mean it.  Fuck you!

I have a strong leather belt, good wood screws, a good drill and a garage with strong wood rafters.  Get it?  Besides having a plan, I am about to start giving away my possessions.  Then there's no turning back.  I feel bad for two people that may have the horror of discovery as the garage door mechanically opens.  Everyone else: I am happy to transfer my pain into your worthless brain.

I slave in my studio, making art for other people. 99% of the time it's for free.  All I really want in return is to be treated like a decent human being.  Maybe I'm not.  Maybe I'm the vicious dog that no one wants around; the demon everyone wants dead.  There's a couple good people out there, thousands of miles away from me, and in opposite time zones.  You know who you are.

This blog is my suicide note.  No one will wonder, and I'm pretty sure most people will say they are happy I'm not suffering anymore.  But the real point is that people are nasty, vile creatures.  I understand why most of them need religion.  Because they don't know how to be decent without guidance.  But you know what?  That shit isn't working either.  People are still selfish monsters, god or no god.  I am ashamed to be human and want out of this body.  If there's nothing else after this life? Good!  I'm fucking tired.

death come to me

i keep getting cuts from rusty metal. i dont wash them and hope for tetanus. later haters